"I’m not here. This isn’t happening. I’m not here." - that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the last seventeen minutes.
I don’t think I’m able to remember when was the last time I wanted to die so badly. Well, of course during this year I have been through that state of mind where I wouldn’t have minded to die, but I didn’t want to. I just didn’t care.
Now it’s different. And I had forgotten how fucking terrible it feels.
I don’t even know where to run away to. How to go away from this.
Sometimes I even think music is no enough to avoid this thoughts and feelings, and that’s the most terrifying thing, cause if that turns out to be my reality.. It means I’m lost again. And I don’t want to get lost again.
I’m scared cause even if there’s still daylight coming through the windows I can touch the darkness. It is everywhere.